i was pretentious
about the knowledge i'd acquired
and it turns out
i was very unprepared
not intelligently, no no
for who could know
that something so wonderful
could simultaneously bring up
your most sacred fears
i've lost myself in this
this new, this care, this endeavor
i'm consumed with the constantness
the unrelenting demanding effort
and i'm scared
"is this what i want for my life?"
"am i ready to sacrifice everything?"
yes and no.