unknown and invisible by Ellen Sorensen

unknown and invisible 

sinking into the comfort of my own skin 

of my own secrets

i am me and she is my everything 

*****

your heart and your soul

meshed with mine in the few 

moments 

when your orbit collided with

my year round the sun 

 

and they were the best days

drinking whiskey on smokey patios

and we dueled

in the sophisticated darkness 

of each other's minds

 

but the rain has come again 

the days of rescue are over

you are long gone

but every so often 

i find you buried in the pages of 

someone else's words 

things i know well by Ellen Sorensen

there are things that i know well

like being proper and kind and 

how to cover my body 

so no one can see

anything about me 

 

they made it my default 

so i tried for a while to comply

and i thought i was happy 

because i was making everyone else 

happy 

 

turns out, that lifestyle

is not sustainable

 

so i learned new things

like how to wear red lipstick 

and move my body in ways that felt right

and implemented healthy boundaries 

 

sometimes i think about all those sunday's 

i sat in pews

how i developed love and friendship 

but also expectations, guilt, and fear

it still doesn't make sense 

 

but when sit down 

in the middle of the woods 

it starts to

i see you and call out your name by Ellen Sorensen

i see you and call out your name

but you hide away in fear and shame

"come", i call

but you fall asleep, barely remembering

the way i touched you in the dark

the way the sunrise surprises the night

and disappears again

 

what are you fighting?

who are your demons? 

 

you say, "i'm jaded"

and i just want to know

if you could heal your open wounds

if you could love again 

 

i don't want your bullshit excuses

for why you can't let things go

i see your strength, your ferocity 

your undying resilience 

i've met the devil inside you

and he doesn't scare me

 

what gives me tremors at night

is your indifference 

your blasé attitude 

towards the sacred, the intimate, 

the vulnerability and passion it takes

to be truly alive 

discipline yourself by Ellen Sorensen

discipline yourself in the matters of selfcare 

 

take care of your skin, it's your biggest organ

invest in those things that have a return value

use candlelight to warm the darkest of hearts 

spend time with those who reciprocate 

befriend those who are different than you 

prioritize time with family

eat more vegetables

spend thirty minutes outside everyday 

once a year, purge your things 

always have something to look forward to whether big or small

read and write often 

if you have a fireplace, use it

don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today 

elevate everyday tasks so they're something you enjoy 

 

and above all, make your damn bed

sunflower skies shadowed by Ellen Sorensen

sunflower skies shadowed by a smokey haze 

a hundred days without rain and a spark

created this valencia sunrise 

and i can't tell if I'm sweating

from the wildfire 

or the september heat

and i can't tell if I'm crying 

from the ash in my eyes

or the heartbreak of losing a haven

the stars haven't started sleeping yet by Ellen Sorensen

the stars haven't started sleeping yet

and neither have i 

awake with the nauseousness

of too little sleep 

 

so i keep writing words

like someone will hear me

hoping that the process

will calm me down 

 

but blank canvases can't hold me 

like i want to be held 

words can't soften the blow 

of an empty bed

 

can you come home now?

it's a loaded question 

because there has to be more 

than being busy but feeling empty 

fingertips tap at my lips by Ellen Sorensen

fingertips tap at my lips

thoughts linger and fade 

and repeat 

just like these warm days 

 

this summer has been a hurricane 

spinning around 

city to city to city 

mountain to river to dessert 

 

stealing little pieces 

of my most favorite souls

and getting drunk 

off their love 

 

and all this beauty 

is making my head spin 

the best type of intoxication 

let me rest in the eye of it all

let me find you in the dark by Ellen Sorensen

let me find you in your dark 

when you don't know the difference 

between up and down 

between your place or mine 

between the sheets and blankets 

 

let me know you in your vulnerable 

when you don't know who you are 

between boy and man 

between fear and courage 

between jokes and serious 

 

let me know you when you are strong 

when you are ready for a woman's heart

let me love you 

let me love you 

let me love you

don't say those words by Ellen Sorensen

don't say those words

the ones that kill me and kill you

you yelled out to me

 

i don't trust myself

i'm over it

i'm leaving 

i don't need anyone 

i can do it alone 

 

and i don't believe you

maybe you need time 

maybe you want to be alone for a while

maybe you don't trust anyone right now

 

but when you call me 

from hundreds of miles away

and i hear the hurt and the tears 

stuck in your throat 

 

i can't let you

i won't let you 

give up

following the trail to the left by Ellen Sorensen

following the trail to the left

under the landing flight path 

between the aspen trees and

the sweet aromas of summer blackberries

 

there have been new sounds

as this season transitions 

the light crackle of heating pods

seeds ready to burst forth

 

a bright breeze rustles the warm leaves

caressing them out of the sky 

dancing an intimate waltz to the forest floor

where it awaits transfiguration to its next life

can it be? by Ellen Sorensen

can it be? 

this life created so carefully 

can you see?

the way it passes so rapidly? 

 

all of us searching and yearning for meaning 

some us find it and are actually gleaning 

 

no measure of translating can really define

the effort it takes to digest the find

 

and even through there is a similar thread 

no one can predict what's directly ahead

 

so we hold on to words like hope, beauty, and truth

and love like we're still in the days of our youth.

 

i reach out for that golden glow by Ellen Sorensen

i reach out for that golden glow

the first glimmer of light beyond 

the shadowy peaks of the mountains 

painted in deep violets and indigos

 

she calls to me, with silent magnificience

looking out over a landscape 

of indescribable beauty and awe

she captivates and quiets my soul 

 

her voice whispers truths so enlightening

my lips must not speak

i hold the beauty inside 

letting the light radiate from within

is this how the day goes? by Ellen Sorensen

is this how the day goes

all summer long? 

driving the highways while playing 

my favorite song? 

 

i could get used to this 

for the rest of the year

reading in my hammock 

just drinking my favorite beer

 

the nights are nice 

but the days are longer 

and with each passing day 

my heart gets stronger 

 

let's let the waves come and 

crash on this shore

and we'll pretend that time 

doesn't exist anymore 

 

this juxtaposed reality is my current companion by Ellen Sorensen

this juxtaposed reality is my current companion

to open my heart to a new love

to feel torn apart by a lost love

and the current is dragging me along

joy in the morning 

tears at night 

and work and sleeping between 

 

sadness is an unwelcome friend 

i know her well, but never on my terms

she barges in, never minding my current state of affairs 

she poisons my happiness 

so the bitterness overwhelms my tongue 

 

there's moments when i'm strong 

when my defenses withhold her demands 

where i can breath without choking for breathe 

where i can smile and turn my palms upward in thanksgiving 

and let the celestial light guide me home

 

the pulls don't scare me anymore

it's a natural part of humanity

the push and pull of gravity

we orbit, we cycle, we evolve

and somehow, the natural place for us, it's right in the middle of it all

i've been quick to breath these days by Ellen Sorensen

i've been quick to breath these days

letting all this summer air sink into my lungs

let's get sun drunk together 

and feast on the berries that stain our lips 

 

and these are the wildwood days 

laying in the shade of green under a sky of blue 

on a blanket my grandmother made

in the days of her youth 

 

so inhale with all of your might 

because the stories of you soul 

are about to unfold 

under the sun of the summer

digest, digest by Ellen Sorensen

digest, digest 

the things in my chest

the weights and the knives and the fear

are equally bound to the love and the cheer

and to those who i hold most dear

 

the good and the bad

are somehow combined 

in a way that is quite obscure

yet the truth pours out, delightfully pure

that hope will always endure

i was pretentious by Ellen Sorensen

i was pretentious 

about the knowledge i'd acquired 

and it turns out

i was very unprepared

 

not intelligently, no no

but emotionally 

 

for who could know 

that something so wonderful 

could simultaneously bring up 

your most sacred fears

 

i've lost myself in this 

this new, this care, this endeavor

i'm consumed with the constantness

the unrelenting demanding effort

 

and i'm scared

"is this what i want for my life?"

"am i ready to sacrifice everything?"

yes and no.